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Nov. 10th, 2007

NOTICE!

I have move my blog! DO relink me again! =)

http://shinegracematters.blogspot.com/
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Oct. 27th, 2007

Sharing

mood: satisfied satisfied

I read a book titled “ Traveling Light” today and I actually came across something I feel it’s meaningful and it’s good to share this with people around me. I wish more people will know and it will benefit their life. I’m no one so great. But I can share what I have with you all.

 

Meets today’s problems with today’s strength. Don’t start tackling tomorrow’s problems until tomorrow. You do not have tomorrow’s strength yet. You simply have enough for today.

 

For I believe that each and every one of us has our own problems to tackle with, it can either be a major problem or a minor problem, in all its problems.

 

Life is full of doubt, full of challenges, full of obstacles. And we can’t escape from all doubt, challenges, obstacles because it’s a day-to-day basis. And for those who never thought of this, this is the time to think.

 

Even those who feel that life is smooth, happy, normal, I feel that it’s just what they choose to show to people or maybe to even deceive themselves that I’m happy with my life, deep in them, they do have their very own problem, which they don’t wish to think, but to avoid it so as not to worry.

 

Avoiding is not a good way of solving problems; you are just dragging the problems even longer, this may cause unknown depression that grew in your heart. This will only break out when you are really at the edge of giving up and breaking down.

 

My advices to this people are to accept that there’s a problem and face it rather than avoiding it. And I feel that it will be good if you are able to find someone to talk about it. Don’t keep it to yourself.

 

If you don’t wish to confide with anyone, there’s someone I can recommend to you and this person is Jesus Christ. You can talk to him, question him, and cry to him. He will hear you. He will be your listening ear. He will not forsake you when you are down.

 

However, if you think that how will God still bothered with me, after so much sin that I had done in my life, that I had disappoint Him, that I had rejected His love, I didn’t choose to believe and to accept Him and I don’t deserve His love, His forgiveness? Now, I will tell you. God open His door to all people.

 

 For I sin too. Everyone is a sinner. No one is perfect, except God. I’m no one so great that I’m the only who had been given the privilege to be in the family of God. God loves everyone, this includes you who are reading. God will not forsake you because of what you have done, seek for forgiveness and repent. God will be there for you when you are broken, lonely, despair, suicide, do you want to believe? Why don’t you try praying to God? This will not do any harm.

 

For some Christians, or those who are going to be a Christian and still have doubt in your heart. You may have times when you feel that your prayers are not answered at all and you started to question if God had heard your prayers. I can tell you that, God had heard your prayer. However, God has His own timing; He knows when is the best time to give you the best thing. You just have to trust and have faith in God. Patience is what we, humans have to learn. Don’t doubt on God. If you believe that He will help you, He will. He will help those who believe that He will. Leave it all to God. He will know what to do. What we need to do is to say our requests and wait with patience.

 

Have you ever thought of, why Jesus Christ had to die on the cross, since I had said that He’s a perfect man once and now a perfect God? Now, I will tell you why. God is perfect, He did no sin and He was crucified on the cross, it’s for our sin that we are bearing in us. He’s to exchange His life for ours. Why we are still so ungrateful, didn’t thank God and didn’t want to accept His love, His unconditional love even He did such a great thing. Let me ask all of you. Would you lay your life for your friend’s life or even your enemies? The answer is definitely NO. However, God is willing to die in our place, even His enemies, enemies refers to people who hate Him, who rejected Him, who rejected His love. Can you be greater than Him? I doubt so.

 

I’m not saying that being a Christian, life will be better, life will be perfect, life will be smooth, there bounds to be troubles, obstacles, difficulties, problems but  as Christian we should remember this: If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. He will neither forget nor forsake you.

 

Do you want to accept His unconditional love? He will be there you needed Him most. Friends and family could be there for you, they can’t be there forever, and God can. He is forever. Do you want to know this Great God? Do you wish to have Him in Your life? Do you want to have another Great friend, greater than any friends you have now? Do you want to trust Him? Do you want to communicate with Him?

 

He’s greater than any celebrities, great man you have heard of, idols, friends, and father. He’s awesome. He lives with us. We can pray at anytime, anywhere. And he’s a good listening ear and good adviser. His words console our soul, give hopes to the despair situations. His words refer to the bible. God may use the bible to communicate with you.  

 

 

Back to problems, everyday has challenges and obstacles to be faced. Why worry so much about tomorrow when you only have the strength for today and you do not know if you will be alive tomorrow. Don’t let anxiety and worries overwhelm your soul, take control of your life. Too much worry will cause to illness. Why don’t you try to leave your worries of tomorrow until you are sure that you are still alive? And why do you worry so much when you know that there’s someone who is willing to take your burden unto his shoulder (“God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the times come” – Matt 6:34) and He will lead the way for you. (Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. –Psalm 119:105)

 

God isn’t going to let you see the distant scene. So you should just quit looking for it. He promises a lamp onto our feet, but not a crystal ball of our future. We do not need to know what will happen tomorrow and we only need to know he lead us and “we will find grace to help us when we need it (Heb 4:16) –Max Lucado

 

So don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will have its own worries. Each day has enough trouble of its own (Matt 6:34).

 

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WE BELIEVE

mood: satisfied satisfied
 

"We Believe"

There's a woman crying out tonight
Her world has changed
She asks God why
Her only son has died
And now her daughter cries
She can't sleep at night

Downtown
Another day for all the suits and ties
Another war to fight
There's no regard for life
How do they sleep at night
How can we make things right?
Just wanna make this right

We believe
We believe
We believe
We believe
We believe
We believe
In this love

We are all the same
Human in all our ways and all our pain
(So let it be)
There's a love that could fall down like rain
(Let us see)
Let forgiveness wash away the pain
(What we need)
And no one really knows what they are searching for
(We believe)
This world is crying for so much more

We believe
We believe
We believe
We believe
We believe
We believe
In this love

We believe
We believe
We believe
We believe
We believe
In this love

So this world
Is too much
For you to take
Just lay it down and follow me
I'll be everything you need
In every way

We believe
We believe
We believe
We believe
We believe
We believe
In this love
(In this love)
We believe
(In this love)
We believe
(In this love)
We believe
(In this love)

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Sep. 29th, 2007

Choices We Make in Life

Yesterday (Fri) night, I met up with the youth that attending Chinese Service these days and as well as Pastor Bai This is the first time we are gathering for a youth cell in Chinese Service. The 5 of us came. Eugene, Steven, Lawrence, Wan Ting, Pastor Bai and myself.  This is the first time we sat together to know each other more and better, as Pastor Bai is rather new in my church.

 

The aim of this cell is not only to build our relationship with one another but also to build a closer relationship with Our Savior God. Our cell will have prayers, sharing, and testimonies, sing praise together, knowing God’s words. The purpose of this cell is that when anyone of us needs encouragement, we will be there for each other, rapport and support one another, pray for each other. This will help to bring us closer together, this cell will held once a month and usually will be on Fri night.

 

We talked about making choice. How come I will end up in NYP and in Engineering Informatics? It’s not much of my choice here. Now, I’ve you start saying from the time I had taken my results. I was taken a back, back then, I was unable to believe that the results that appeared before me is actually my results. It was real bad, but I try to hold back my tears from rolling down my cheeks. This incident had left me with a unfathomable impression. I was dreadfully depressed, despair, devastated, but I’ve to accept the fact rit was true.

 

That is the time for the time to make a choice for the next place to go after my 5 years of Secondary School. I had placed a lot of courses that I’ve desired. However, due to the increase of the number of students with the lower point than I had. I had left with no place to go, no vacancies to enroll me in, all schools rejected me. When I know about it, I felt totally lost and it’s like soon, I’ll be announce ‘HOMELESS’. Without a school, I felt depress. And so my friends and I decided to go from school to school to appeal for a place for me to study. However, the night before I went to appeal I prayed this prayer:” Heavenly Father, what should I do now? I was left with no schools. I desperately need your help, need your presence to quieter my heart, need your answer to help me in such helpless situation. I wan to believe that you will help me. You are my only hope and light in this darkness I’m standing in alone. We, humans are limited, there are much more things that is beyond our control, because we have no power over anything even our lives. I have faith in You. Thanks God for listening to my prayers. I prayed all this in Jesus’s Precious name. Amen.”

 

The next day, I felt totally different from when before I prayed. I felt relax, calm and peaceful. God knows this is all I needed. Therefore, we went to appeal. I entrusted my whole situation into God’s hand. I choose to believe that God will provide me somewhere that I can excel well in there. I believe that God’s has His reason for all the things that happened and the people who appear in our life. God will not do things without a reason. He has His own timing we just need to trust and have faith in Him. That’s all we need. He will do the job for us.

 

After the appeal, I have to wait for the schools to reply me if my appeal had pass. One day, I received a letter-mail, it’s from NYP and when I open up the mail, it’s the enrollment form, in other words, my appeal had succeeded and I was given a place in NYP. I’m really thankful. My heart was filled with happiness. I can’t express gratitude enough just by words. My darkness had gone and light has entered into my life. As I believe He will help me, and He really did. He didn’t forsake me when I was at my lowest point of my life. Thanks Lord for being there for me, not just being my listening ear but at the same time console and help me through this seems negative time. You are awesome. There’s no one who can compare with You. Lord, I wish I could share your greatness with all the people around me. I want more people to be in the same family as I am in. I want more people to come into Your Kingdom. You are Our Savior, Our Lord. No one is greater than You are! Lord Let your greatness shines to all people who had not experience Your love, Your greatness. Thanks Lord. I’m glad that I had made the choice I had in the beginning. I love You, Lord. I can’t thank you enough.

 

Back to about making choices. In Joshua 24:15, it tell us that God provide us with choices but what’s our choice going to be greatly depend on ourselves. We either follow God or choose our own way. There are consequences that we need to bear for our choice that we have made. God will not force us to walk in His given choice. He given us the best path, it depend on us if we want to walk this best path. We should follow God’s calling as God will let His will be fulfilled. How to know if our choice is right? It’s through prayers. God has fulfillment for each and every one of us. It’s our choice to follow Him or not. God has his plan and reason for he path that he had shown before us. God provide us with the best, we should choose wisely, if unsure about it, pray and ask God for better directions and choose the one that pleases God.

 

 

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Sep. 25th, 2007

Depress

mood: depressed depressed

I got a inspiration of writing for today, after I watch one of the chapter of "One Litre Of Tears". 

I got sadden by Aya situation, it's a true story of a 15 year old girl who diagnose a incurable illness that will deteriorate her health slowly, because her sickness is closely related to the nerves system. She will gradually unable to walk, unable to speak properly, unable to control her body. And what really sadden me is that she is only 15 when she was discovered with such incurable illness. 

She was strong and optimistic about her life at first before it had deteriorated to the worst. She never gives up, she continue to live and wanting to help people who needed help. However, when her illness deteriorated,she felt useless because she find that she can't help others and needed people, family's help. It really broke my heart of all the words that she had spoken. 

This actually inspired me alot. I find that in life, everything is unpredictable, especially when it comes to talk about life and death. All this is beyond human control. We are unable to choose how long we wanted to live, because we are not God. Only God knows it well. God knows everything about each and everyone of us. 

I may be alive today and talk to you, but who knows about tomorrow? Maybe I'm not here anymore. This is possible. That's why life is so precious. I just don't understand why some people can take life lightly, do things that not only hurt themselves but at the same time hurt people who love them. There are people who are diagnose with incurable illness and you all know how much they wish they can have more days to live? They are so afraid to close their eyes, because they are so afraid that once they close their eyes, they will be gone forever. They wanted to live so much and yet people who are healthy, smoke, drink,being a ah beng/ah lian, go around bully people, do all sorts of things that not only hurt urself but affect your health. Does all this things and this kind of life is cool, meaningful? I can tell you, you are 100% wrong. This kind of life is totally meaningless, I don't see a point for you to be living in the world, you are not contributing to the society but also your family. You bring headache, shame, inferior to your family. You are doing nothing in this earth, you might as well end your life, because it's totally useless and pointless. 

If you still want to continue to live this kind of useless life, it's up to you. You want to waste your life, it's your choice, I can't choose for you but I can remind you that, you should do things more meaningful, don't live a life you think everyday is fun, everyday is party, it's not going to help. We need obstacles to help us grow up and handle problems. Never too late to change, it's just a matter you want it a not? Think about what can you do to have a changed life, don't live a life that you feel that you are doing the same things again and again. 

Do something that not only help yourself but help others. This is really important. Human are self-centred, selfish. I don't blame anyone for that. But i really hope in this world there will be even more people who needs help will be able to get help from those who can help. Then, this world will be extremely heart warming, instead of the war, political problems, or killing each other within the same country. I really don't understand what's up in the mind of the terrorist. I hope this world is filled with love. Why can't all of us live in peace? How can people heart be so vindictive?

Psalm 5
1 Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my sighing.
2 Lisen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray.
3 In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.
4 You are not a God who takes pleasure in evil; with you the wicked cannot dwell.
5 The arrogant cannot stand in your presencel; you hate all who do wrong.
6 You destroy those who tell lies; bloodthirsty and deceitful men the LORD abhors.
7 But I, by your great mercy, will come into your house; in reverence will I bow down towards your holy temple.
8 Lead me, O LORD, in your righteousness because of my enemies- make straight your way before me.
9 Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction. Their throat is an open grave; with their tongue they speak deceit.
10 Declare them guilty, O God! Let their intrigues be their downfall. Banish them for their many sins, for they have rebelled against you.
11 But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.
12 For surely, O LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.

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Sep. 18th, 2007

Debt to LOVE

Questions to ponder: 
Question1: In what situation would you regard someone as a person to whom you owe a debt?
Question2: HOw do you view and respond to those to whom you owe a debt?

Debt could be :
1) MONEY
2) LIFE ( Korean Hostage)
3) FAVOUR

Posted at 09:41 pm | | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

Aug. 27th, 2007

Life is short

mood: content content
Life is short, don't make it shorter, live it to the fullest. This is what I can say to people around me. Life indeed is short, because time passes real fast. And in life, there are tough and despair times but also not forgetting the times of happiness and excitment. All of us can only live once, we shouldn't waste our time in the world. Although this world is filled with evil, destruction and suffering. However, no matter how life going to be, we should cherish every single thing, and people in our life. Not just mere coincidence, for I believe there's a reason for their appearance in our life. 

You must be thinking why there's a God and there's still suffering in this world. However, have u ever think that our so called "SUFFERING" that we may suffer now, no matter is sickness, failure, etc, are nothing compare to Jesus's suffering. Jesus suffer much more than you and I had suffer. Have you ever had nails pierce through your both hand's wrist, your body, your legs? He had all this suffering is for whose sake? For you and I sake! Our little pain of suffering, we can scream, grumble, curse but compare with Jesus, whose suffering is worst? You may think that I'm saying it because I didn't encounter any suffering. Yes, I agreed that I didn't have much suffering. However, When ever I feel pain, I will think of What Jesus had done for us and this really put me to an ease. During suffering, God will walk with you. God will carry you while you're suffering. God want us to follow the holy spirit to contine walking even how bad/suffering the life is.God will not abandon us when we suffered. Only you choose not to believe in Him and don't allow your heart to open the door for God to enter. For sure when you know God, surrender all of you to God, your life will be in a total difference. 

And only when we are being very broken, God will appear real and He's there to ba a help to us. By that time, God will use us. Make us useful. When we are broken, will see God to be our only light and hope. this is really true. I have heard from some testimonials of some aunties that how they or their families had come to know God. I heard one is about this woman who is very very sicked, she had seen alot of doctors, pray to all the chinese Gods. She had tried everything she can however, one day, she heard from a friend about Jesus, out of desperation she went to her friend's church. Since this is the only last thing she can do. And so she went, she said that she felt different, she really pray to God with all her hearts. That's where it changed her life. She accepted Christ and love God very much. Not only that her sickness had improved, though it's not totally recovered yet, but i'm sure there's miracles in our mist. See, when we are broken, we tend to turn to God when nothing works at all. God is so real. And God replied our prayer. He heard it and answer to us. Although there are time when the things you asked is not given, don't be anxious. God has His timing, He will give you when He think it's the most suitable time. You just have to trust in him and have faith. You may think it's ridiculous but it's a true story, I just wanna share this marvelous life incident with all of you.

Life is already so short, Don't make it shorter by ending your life for undeserving matters. What you have now is temporary, it's not everlasting. When you die, nothing can bring with you not even your favorites. Our lives are given by God we had no right to take away our lives or other's live, because we are neither creators of heaven and earth, land and sea, nor creators of human beings.

Does study annoy you? But not those people who didn't get a chance to have education.
Hates Veggies? They Starve from hunger and sometimes they have to eat tree bark.
On diet? They die from it, because they are poor and had no money to even have food.
Does your parent cares tire u ? Some people don't even have parents to care, or their parents are too poor to take care of them. 
Bored of the same games? Some people don't even have a choice, they have no games, toys to play.
Someone get you Adidas instead of nike? They only have one brand and that's the bottle slippers.
Aren't you thankful for a bed to sleep in? They'd wish not to wake up.
Are u still complaining about your life?
Observe around you and be thankful for all that you have in this transitory lifetime. 
We are fortunate, we have much more than what we need to be content.

Life can be view in many different views. Life is not a must that God had to provide us. Don't take life for granted. Don't life a meaningless life. Spring into actions to do something meaningful now on. Rememeber you only can live once in this world. Don't waste your life like now, if you are still lazing around like a aimless fly. Get moving! 

Last but not least, something for you all to stop what you and ponder.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, Praise God.
Difficult moments, Seek God.
Quiet moments, Worship God.
Painful moments,Trust God.
Every moment. Thank God.
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Aug. 18th, 2007

Exam Period

mood: anxious anxious
Time passes so fast, another Sem is ending soon. Now everyone is busy mugging as exam is real near, it's just around the corner. There are so many things need to study although there are only 3 subjects for us to handle. Too much information that need to be in our head. And the worst thing is that i'm getting nowhere. I had no mood, no heart to study, now i was like living in a holiday mood. I wish all this exam can finish ASAP. I wanna enjoy my holiday. Yesterday had my final presentation. Individual and it's a challenge for me, as i always so afraid of presenting. I am so glad that it's over and i felt much more happier now. But now i'm fighting not only with the time but as well as my heart, my heart is not listening to me and my brain is shut off. I'm dead if i still do my final revision. I pray that God will help me overcome this problem.

Finally I will thanks God for letting be able to breathe today's air. I will cherish every single things that you had provided me with. Family is the greatest gift that you have given me. Thanks alot. You have help me alot in my life, through my jolly moment, distress moment, despair situation. Thanks God for being there when i Really need You by my side. I'm really grateful. Love you,Lord.
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Aug. 13th, 2007

L.O.V.E

mood: hopeful hopeful
What is love all about? I only know 3 kinds of love, Heavenly Father's love, Parent's love, Sibling's love. All this love are very precised.Because all this love is uncondition love. Love that will never fade no matter how long it wil be, because we have the family bonding. And this kind of love is very touching, very fulfilling, very blessed, very fortunate, it's very different from other loves. This loves bring warm to our hearts, bring light to our darkness, bring happiness to our sadness, as we know that no matter how hard life can be outside, there will always be someone at home to encourage, to care and concern, to dote. I'm really grateful for all the things that my Heavenly Father had given me and I really feel content with the family I'm living with right now. Because I know I'm one of them who had been loved by their family member. 

Although I am not born in a super duper rich family, I live in a 4-room flats with my other 3 family members, but I am really feel content to have a shelter and a home that I can call "MINE" I feel that what I really need had already given to me and I feel that I was even given more than i expected. I remembered that once, I was pondering about life and I realized that life is actually super short, and I also realized that I love my family members but I had never express my Love to them at all. And if I don't express myself now, when will it be? When I don't get a chance to say it anymore, and regret for life? And so i decided to give each of them a short SMS to tell them how I had love them and I was glad that all of them replied me. My dad actually apologize to me,saying that he had given me all the things I had wanted, but I really at that moment of time, I feel that I already had everything, what's more should I ask, there's nothing I want anymore. I had it all. My brother & mum also replied me. I felt warm and satisfy that I'm actually being loved by my family members. I was really happy!

I had learnt piano for quite some times and i wish that I will had a piano one day. And recently, my mom bought a digital piano for me, I'm really very happy, i had my wish come true when i unexpected it. It's really expensive but it worth the money as I will be using very often so as to not waste the money. I LOVE MY FAMILY. They are always so supportive, I can't imaged I don't have a family. I think it will be very lonely and everything you have to depend greatly on yourself. My family give me a lot of happiness and warm. All of them dote on me. It's enough.. 

My Heavenly Father had provided me with everything, my family, my house, my mobile phone, my friends, my churchmates and everything that i had with me now. I don't want to lose anyone of them. All the things that Heavenly Father had provided me with, I will cherish it all my life, And I LOVE MY HEAVENLY FATHER. He's the greatest HEAVENLY FATHER I ever had. He's Great! He's gracious, He's Awesome. Thanks HEAVENLY FATHER for provided me so many things and even more than I expected. THANK YOU!

Other than this, there are other loves such as friends, BGR, this is what I can think of.  

Friends: There are many kind of friends, true friends belongs to good/best friends,horrendous friends, HI-BYE friends,unfamiliar friends, transparent friends.

 Friends appeared in everyone life, they comes and goes in your life, no matter they stay on in your life or not, your life will still move on. Friends can be important, when you are lonely, when you are down, when you felt your world is real dark, you find yourself need a friend more than any other times. And this is also the time to know whether the friends you have are really your true friends or appeared to be your "true friends" Those who really care will console you, but those who don't will never bothered about your problem, that's when you feel what's the point to have friends at all, since when the time you really need them, they will never be there so what's the point? I know that friends is still friends, friends will only care and concern when they have time, when they don't have time for you, they will treat you like anyone else. But I feel that I'm very different, I'm always there for my friends who need my encouragement, need my support, need my love, need my care and concern, I will be thre, no matter how they treat me when I was down. Some times, friend really can make you real disappointed. I never say that to anyone, cos I don't see a point at all. I don't say things that are pointless. 

I don't blame my friends, they have their very own things to busy with. I cannot expect every friends to entertain me when they are really busy. But some times when I was really down I really wish I can talk to some one. But everytime I called them, they busy, they didn't pick up the phone, You know something, when everything seems so wrong to that person, all this unanswered called will be a nisance, the person may feel unloved, un-noticed, un-care,felt helpless felt in despaired. I really dislike such feeling. It's awful. However, I had found a better way to keep my emotional cool is to play the piano when I feel down, lonely. It's a real good way for me to relieve myself. It's better than keep calling my friends and I will keep listening to "Tur Tur" or "This suscrible is not available at the moment, please again later" I really dislike this moment. I will only keep to myself. What can I do? Nothing much. I only can turn to God when i really down, i felt that only God is wiling to listen to me, I felt that he's a real FRIEND To me. He's always there for  me. Really. I didn't lie. You all can choose not to believe in me. But it's real. He's my light, He will provide the path for me to walk on without fear, as I have faith that He will walk with me this journey nho matter how hard it's gonna be.Good/best friends will share your happy times and all the funny moment, all the rubbish moment, stupid moment and share our secrets, but it's all fond memories.. I like those moment with my good/best friends. Really.

For horrendous friend, this is obviously targeting on wicked friends, friends who had motive to get close to you, betrayer,backstabber,and they are out there to get you. They are horrible, make you no friends, make people dont believe in you anymore, make you lonely, make your life in darkness, make you live more like in hell than earth. Beware of such friends. They may even make used of you. Better be more careful.Warning for all of you, make friends with your eyes widely open. 

HI-BYE + Unfamiliar friends: This are friends you are not really close to them, but you know their existance and so greeting is just a basic politness. You all dont talk much.

Transparent friends: they are friends that you hardly see and hardly talk and so even normal greeting will become very redundant.

Now comes to BGR, I find that love in BGR is really complicated, it's very profound. Feeling comes and goes. You can like this person for now, but the next moment, you don't like. It's really hard to say. Love should be two-sided and not one-sided, the person who is loving someone one-sided, will feel very tired, very helpless, will think will there be any possible for us to be together. It's really bitter, it's really tired, really depress, really wondering how that person thinks of you. Love in BGR can be sweet, can be sour and can be bitter. It's a mixture of all this. i find that Love in BGR is like not my cup of tea. Or maybe the right one had not appear yet. Never mind, I believe God had a great and a wonderful plan for me. Hence, I need not worry. 
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Posted at 08:15 pm | | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

Aug. 8th, 2007

Past me had became a reflection of my life

mood: energetic energetic
Surprisingly I was blogging about myself, but as usual,not about my daily life but it's about how my life had changed . Just now while i was sitting on my bed to ponder over some thoughts when suddenly a very strong feeling strucked me that I had to reflect the past me. I'm not sure why I felt this feeling. So now, i'm going to share with everyone the past me that some of you may not know about me. Things had been real different now compare to the past. And I'm glad this days. 

All people know that I am a christian, who is rather devoted, rather faithful, rather involved in church helping out. I had joined my church english service adult library to be librarian. Now I am attending the Youth service in the morning whenever I can, but sometimes really cannot wake up that early to go for youth. Now i was helping out in the Youth CG as a youth assistant and I am even selected to attend a Youth Leadership Training which started last week. this training will equip me to be a good youth leader. i felt that this is a good chance to build up my confidence and bibical knowledge. I will try my best to learn as much and challenge myself to be more daring, rather being shy. I think it's really a good start for me not only that, I knew some of my school christian thru SYFC. I'm glad that I knew more friends. I wish i can share the gospel to all people I know. I prayed for chances. 

Now, you see me as a very devoted christian, do you know that in the past, i thought that as long as I believe in God, it's good enough, I don't see any need to attend any church services. I was totally wrong about it. Attending church services, not only broaden your knowledge about God's words but at the same time, brighten your unanswered thoughts. I realised that, all the sermons that are being preached by the pastors sometimes really spot out troubles. Just like there's once, I was rather worried about our projects, and so i brought a very heavy heart to church because I was rather heavy with the burden i was carrying with me. I think God knows how I had felt and straight during the service, the pastor preached about faith, about leaving all my burden to the Lord, we don't have to carry with us. God will always be the help, be there for us. I believe in that. Not only the Bible and the services are important, but time with God is even more important, do quiet time, pray, this will bring us closer to God, and we will have closer relationship with God. That's the way we communicate with God. it's rather amazing. i find that. And you know what changed my thinking, it's through a church camp that i went some yrs ago. I thank God that I had gone for this camp. The day before the camp, I was still hesitating whether i should or shouldn't go for the camp, I had a feeling not to go, but I have no excuses to reject the offered by edmund. And so i went, I'm glad that i had gone for this camp.It's a life-changing camp for me. I learnt alot through this camp.It changed my thinking, my life, especially my christian life.Okay, now i will start to talk about the past me.

The past me, will be someone you will not wanna know or get closer. The past me was negative all the time, depressed, unhappy, angry, jealous, hateful. I remembered that I used to cry very often when I was in Sec sch. I remembered that i was a sensitive, I was aggressive, i was violence, I was vulgar, I was immature, I was depressed. 

1st: Sensitive - I was indeed a sensitive freak, i will always think that people are laughing and mirking at me because of my outlook, i was rather inferior and low self-esteem. I was thinking why I looked like that. Not only that i became very suspicious, i suspect that my friends are gossiping about me. I felt that although they appeared real nice to me, but I don't feel that it's really true, I can feel a gap between me and them. I believe that everyone has their own an acquaintances. However, for me, i felt that I was all alone, alone in my dark world that I had created for myself to be in. I felt being not being loved, not being cared, not being with someone. I really felt helpless. And that's when I feel that life is boring, life has no happiness, life has no light, life is nothing. There's a period of time i dislike going to school. 

2nd: Aggressive + hot-temper + violence - I used to be very aggressive, I behaved like a lion, why do i do that, the reason was simple, I didn't want anyone to bully me. I was immature that's why i was aggressive. I'm famous for being a Dajie in grps. I pretty well not sure why, but unknownly, I became other people's DAJIE! I was rather hot-temper because i get angry very easily when I was very angry, do not under estimated me, I will do things that will surprise you. I can break your file, throw your books into the bin, throw your pencil case, or even worst I turned to violence, I will hit you with whatever is in my sight with extremely full force. People who got it from me will know what I am saying. I think I was very horrible in the past. Make me like a bullied. Whenever, my weaker friends cried, people will always say i bullied them because I am stronger. I was really hurt. I was a lady too Okay.. I appeared to be fierce so as no-one will dare to bully me. I treated all my friends with my best effort, but what's in return hurtful remarks, hurtful actions? Last time i tend to think that friends are everything in my life. But now no longer everything. Now, I'm good to everyone. I feel that God is my everything. Without Him, I will have nothing, seriously. And not forgetting my family. Friends will come and pass your life, it greatly depend if you and your friends are really fated. 

3rd: Vulgar - People who knows me in the past will know that I was rather a vulgar person, every sentence will have a vulgar words. In the past, i think it's rather cool to have vulgar in the mouth. I even speak Vulgar in front of teachers. They nearly faint, because at that time I was a Mointress. I wasn't showing a good example to other students. But Now i totally changed. I dislike vulgaries very much.. I dislike people who are vulgar like myself in the past. I will changed more that even small vulgar words are not allow.

Although I had changed, as in my temper is much more better than before, just that I am still very impatient with people. I am those who will fought for reasons. I dislikes unreasonable treatment or accuation. It's insults me.  And now i live a happy life, i'm content with what I have. Even friends, i treasure them if they do. I'm no more depressed, no more sensitive, no more aggressive, i smile more this days and I will continue to SHINE in God's glory.No one is perfect but i will change for the best. 

I thank God for letting me turned back. It's a good reflection of my past. So that I will remember how God had help me and support me so much. Without God, there will be no SHINE GRACE anymore. THANK YOU, LORD!

Posted at 10:44 pm | | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

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